Controversial group barred from school grounds during funeral

Another group claiming to do the work of God! It makes me sick. Thank goodness for the Patriot Guard Riders! For more information on the Patriot Guard Riders, visit their website at: http://www.patriotguard.org/

The Associated Press

NORWAY — A Kansas-based church that has disrupted the funerals of U.S. soldiers in other states will be barred from the grounds of Oxford Hills Comprehensive High School during the funeral Saturday of a soldier from Norway who was killed in Iraq.

The Westboro Baptist Church, of Topeka, Kan., said it plans to send delegates to Sgt. Corey Dan's funeral to express its belief that American soldiers are being struck down by God as retribution for the nation's tolerance of homosexuality.

The superintendent of SAD 17 said that if the protesters want to demonstrate, they will have to do so off school property.

"We do not have an open forum that allows open demonstration and there's no provision for that," Mark Eastman said. "If (the protesters) want to demonstrate, they have to demonstrate off school property."

Local police departments were prepared to keep order Saturday in the event the protesters show up, Paris Police Chief David Verrier said.

"We'll have a strong show of force," said Verrier, noting that Oxford and Norway officers would also be present. The Oxford County Sheriff's Department agreed to provide deputies, if necessary.

Members of the Patriot Guard Riders, a national motorcycle riders' group formed in response to the church's demonstrations at soldier funerals, received an invitation to the service from Dan's family and planned to attend.

"We're expecting at least 30 motorcycles," said Asha Lamy of Naples, a ride captain in Maine. She said members of other other motorcycle clubs, including the Maine and New Hampshire chapters of Vietnam Veterans, expected to show up.

Dan, a 22-year-old Oxford Hills graduate, was killed March 13 when his Humvee was attacked by a roadside bomb and small arms fire while he was serving with the 101st Airborne Division.

Dan had planned to become a police officer after he got out of the service. A scholarship fund has been established in his memory to benefit an Oxford Hills senior seeking to pursue a career in law enforcement.

Headlines From the Year 2034

• Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the 7th largest country in the world, Mexifornia formally known as California.
• White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia's third language.
• Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock.
• Baby conceived naturally - Scientists stumped.
• Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.
• Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in Bushra; the American Territory of the Middle East (formerly known as Iraq, Afghanistan, Syria and Lebanon).
• Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.
• France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica.
• Castro finally dies at age 115; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.
• George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.
• Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.
• Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.
• Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed, they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.
• Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.
• Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.
• Average height of NBA players now nine feet, seven inches.
• New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2036.
• Congress authorizes direct deposit of formerly illegal political contributions to campaign accounts.
• Capitol Hill intern indicted for refusing to have sex with congressman.
• IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.

STOP! . . . Humor Time

For those with no children - this is totally hysterical...
For those who already have children past this age, this is hilarious.
For those who have children this age, this is not funny.
For those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning.
For those who have not yet had children, this is birth control...

The following came from an anonymous Mother in Austin, Texas:

Things I've learned from my Boys (honest)...

1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house, 4 inches deep.
2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
3. A 3-year old Boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound Boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.
5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
6. The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh" it's already too late.
8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
9. A six-year old boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old man says they can only do it in the movies.
10. Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old boy.
11. Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.
12. Super glue is forever.
13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.
14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
15. VCRs do not eject "PB & J" sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.
16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
18. You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.
19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.
20. The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time.
21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.
22. It will, however, make cats dizzy.
23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
24. 80% of men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.
25. Women will pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or without kids.

University Offers Scholarships to Wounded Soldiers

Grantham University is offering Military Severely Injured Scholarships in 2006 to U.S. servicemembers from any branch of the United States military. Scholarship applicants must have received a 60 percent or higher disability rating from the Veterans Administration as a result of being wounded in Operation Enduring Freedom or Operation Iraqi Freedom and have been retired from active military duty. The four-year scholarship program provides tuition and fees to pursue any Grantham University degree program. A similar program for spouses and children of severely injured servicemembers provides a 25 percent tuition discount on any Grantham University degree program and includes the cost of required textbooks and software. Grantham's courses are online and self-paced. For more information, visit www.grantham.edu or call 1-800-955-2527.

Hall of Famer Puckett dies at 44

MINNEAPOLIS - Hall of Fame outfielder Kirby Puckett died Monday of complications from a stroke. He was 44.

Puckett underwent neurosurgery Sunday and was transported to St. Jospeph’s Hospital and Medical Center, where he died Monday afternoon.

“This is a sad day for the Minnesota Twins, Major League Baseball and baseball fans everywhere,” Twins owner Carl Pohland said. “Kirby’s impact on the Twins organization, state of Minnesota and the upper midwest is significant and goes well beyond his role in helping the Twins win two World Championships.”

The 44-year-old Puckett, who led the Twins to two World Series titles before his career was cut short by glaucoma, had spent Monday in the hospital in critical condition with his family by his side.

Puckett had remained close with several people in the Twins organization, and he was one of baseball’s most popular players throughout his 12-year career.

© 2006 NBC Sports.com
© 2006 MSNBC.com
URL: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/11683878/